Understand your child's fears

Fear of violence can stem from various sources, such as news reports, stories from friends, social media, or personal experiences. It’s important to understand what your child is afraid of so you can support them. Before starting the conversation, make sure you’re in a comfortable place where your child feels relaxed and safe.

Here are some questions to ask that might help you better understand your child’s fear:

• Do you know what the word “violence” means? Can you tell me what it means to you?

• Have you ever seen or heard about situations that involve violence?

• How does it make you feel when you see or hear about violence?

• Do you sometimes feel scared that something violent could happen to you or someone you care about?

• Are there certain places or situations where you feel more scared or less safe? Can you tell me why?

• Can you tell me about a time when you felt particularly scared? How did you deal with it?

Listen with compassion

Sometimes it takes kids longer to express themselves, so be patient and encourage them to take their time. While you’re listening, show interest in what they’re saying using nonverbal communication. Lean toward them and nod while they’re talking.

Validate their feelings

It can be tempting to minimize their fears to make them feel better. Instead of saying something like, “You shouldn’t be scared of that,” try to acknowledge their fear without reinforcing it. Say something like, “I understand why you’re scared. Violence is a serious issue. But remember, it’s also rare. And there are many people working hard to make sure you’re safe.”

Share knowledge

Sometimes information can give a child a sense of control and safety. Explain the safety measures in place at their schools, like their emergency drills. Talk with them about the school staff who are in charge of security. Make sure your child knows how to reach you in case there’s an emergency. Plans and preparations can make scary things feel less frightening.

Talk about your own feelings

Sharing your feelings creates an open and trusting environment. Let your child know that you feel scared sometimes, too. Reinforce that it’s normal to have feelings of fear or worry. This helps them understand they aren’t alone. You can say, “It’s OK to feel scared about these things. I also feel scared sometimes.”

Empower your child

Encouraging your child to take part in their own safety will help them feel in control. Are there any safety clubs or committees at school they could participate in? For older children, is there a peer support or counseling program they could work with?

Seek professional help when necessary

If the fear becomes too overwhelming or begins affecting their daily routine, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. They can help your child understand and navigate fears. They also can teach your child coping skills to use when fears feel like too much to handle.

Keep the conversation going

You can’t take away your child’s fear overnight, so make sure you keep the conversation going. Make safety a topic that you discuss even when there isn’t an immediate crisis or emergency.

It can be hard to help your child cope with their fears and worries about violence. These tips are just a starting point. There are many other resources to help you support them with confidence. But remember, your compassionate, informed guidance will go a long way in helping your child or teen navigate these complicated feelings.